When Jake looks at the latest bank statement and begins complaining about how James, yet again, spent more than $200 on clothes without discussing it with him, it’s pretty clear what the issue is.
But when Kristi begins cursing out Steve because he is running late to their couples therapy appointment due to work, the harsh comments cover up the hidden issues of Kristi feeling less important to Steve than his work. Her fears that he could care less about her and the relationship are masked by the topic of tardiness. Thus the real issue is covered up by the surface issue.
According to the authors of Fighting for Your Marriage, a hidden issue includes “unexpressed expectations, needs, or feelings that, if not attended to, can cause great damage to your marriage [or committed relationship].”
A telltale sign that a hidden issue is present in your relationship is when a conflict erupts…